- you can't even be bothered to wake up for an earthquake X
- You can order the entire McDonald's menu in Chinese.
- Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why. X
- You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk. X
- You turn left from the right lane, no matter how many lanes there are. X
- 20 degrees feels cold. X
- You stop conjugating verbs. X
- You speak fluent Chinglish. X
- You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic. X
- Firecrackers and garbage trucks don't wake you up. X
- You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light. X
- You don't stop or look both ways before driving through a red light. X
- The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley. X
- Foreigners smell funny. X
- You point out foreigners and stare at them. X
- You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet. X
- You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street. X
- You prefer squatting to sitting (including toilets). X
- You can haggle with the best of them.
- You don't want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant. X
- Your English has gone to hell. X
- Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
- Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable. X
- You shower in the evening. X
- You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends. X
- You fight to pay the bill. X
- You can tell what someone wants from what they don't say.
- Your kids speak better Chinese than you do.
- Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it's easter... X
- You no longer sweat.
- You know where to buy clothes that fit you. X
- You'd take boiled peanuts over dry-roasted any day.
- You feel embarassed for *other* foreigners. X
- You casually pick out and discard cockroach parts in your "biandang" (purchased lunchbox).
- "Meibanfa" (there is nothing that can be done) or "bukenung" are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices. X
- You play black jack until 4 a.m. with your in-laws on holidays.
- You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin. X
- You've taught another foreigner something in Chinese. X
- You've learned something in Chinese from another foreigner. X
- When someone back home asks you how things are going in "Thailand," you are offended but don't say anything. X
- You know just enough Chinese to embarrass someone who's talking about you. X
- When you've been on vacation, you're happy to return. X
- You wish desperately you could vote in local elections. X
- Your kid is half Chinese, I mean, Taiwanese.
- Dry weather irritates your skin. X
- You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco. X
- You learn more about the news from what it doesn't say. X
- You have a favorite pair of flip-flops. X
- You think the best gifts are practical. X
- You think the best gift is money.
- You've bought the same thing a dozen times ... and will buy a new one when this one breaks.
- You're amazed at how low-tech everything is back home. X
- You bake in a toaster oven. X
- You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds. X
- You can shell shrimp in your mouth within seconds.
- You speak English in hotels to get better service. X
- You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks. X
- You practice s-curves on the freeway at 120. X
- You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth. X
- Over half of your software is pirated. X
- You don't buy anything unless you can get a discount. X
- You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them. X
- You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year. X
- You try to tell people back home about Taiwan, and are angry when they look bored. X
- You smile when you're embarrassed or angry.
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