• you can't even be bothered to wake up for an earthquake X
  
• You can order the entire McDonald's menu in Chinese.
  
• Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why. X
  
• You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk. X
  
• You turn left from the right lane, no matter how many lanes there are. X
  
• 20 degrees feels cold. X
  
• You stop conjugating verbs. X
  
• You speak fluent Chinglish. X
  
• You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic. X
  
• Firecrackers and garbage trucks don't wake you up. X
  
• You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light. X
  
• You don't stop or look both ways before driving through a red light. X
  
• The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley. X
  
• Foreigners smell funny. X
  
• You point out foreigners and stare at them. X
  
• You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet. X
  
• You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street. X
  
• You prefer squatting to sitting (including toilets). X
  
• You can haggle with the best of them.
• You don't want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant. X
  
• Your English has gone to hell. X
  
• Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
  
• Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable. X
  
• You shower in the evening. X
• You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends. X
  
• You fight to pay the bill. X
  
• You can tell what someone wants from what they don't say.
• Your kids speak better Chinese than you do.
• Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it's easter... X
  
• You no longer sweat.
• You know where to buy clothes that fit you. X
  
• You'd take boiled peanuts over dry-roasted any day.
• You feel embarassed for *other* foreigners. X
  
• You casually pick out and discard cockroach parts in your "biandang" (purchased lunchbox).
• "Meibanfa" (there is nothing that can be done) or "bukenung" are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices. X
  
• You play black jack until 4 a.m. with your in-laws on holidays.
• You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin. X
  
• You've taught another foreigner something in Chinese. X
  
• You've learned something in Chinese from another foreigner. X
  
• When someone back home asks you how things are going in "Thailand," you are offended but don't say anything. X
  
• You know just enough Chinese to embarrass someone who's talking about you. X
  
• When you've been on vacation, you're happy to return. X
  
• You wish desperately you could vote in local elections. X
  
• Your kid is half Chinese, I mean, Taiwanese.
• Dry weather irritates your skin. X
  
• You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco. X
  
• You learn more about the news from what it doesn't say. X
  
• You have a favorite pair of flip-flops. X
  
• You think the best gifts are practical. X
  
• You think the best gift is money.
• You've bought the same thing a dozen times ... and will buy a new one when this one breaks.
• You're amazed at how low-tech everything is back home. X
  
• You bake in a toaster oven. X
  
• You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds. X
• You can shell shrimp in your mouth within seconds.
• You speak English in hotels to get better service. X
  
• You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks. X
  
• You practice s-curves on the freeway at 120. X
  
• You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth. X
  
• Over half of your software is pirated. X
  
• You don't buy anything unless you can get a discount. X
  
• You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them. X
  
• You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year. X
  
• You try to tell people back home about Taiwan, and are angry when they look bored. X
  
• You smile when you're embarrassed or angry.